this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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