I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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