im six kinds of drunk right now
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
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