woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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