So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
