Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
