She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
