Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I need to align my fucking chakras
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
