so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
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