Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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