So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
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