we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
