end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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