I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
