i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
