My room smells like vodka and shame
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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