seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
