ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
