Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
