Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
