bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
You ruined the universe
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
