he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
We're using joints as your birthday candles
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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