U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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