you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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