Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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