How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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