ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
you will always have a special place in my vag
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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