it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
