bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
