Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
