Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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