The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
