Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
