Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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