Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
