omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Randomize
