so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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