dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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