i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
