i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
