Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
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