awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
