At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
