first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Randomize
