Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
