dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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