I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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