I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
