I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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