Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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