More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
