So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Just puked most of my soul out..
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
